Oh hey, how's it going?

I haven't had much to say lately. I think my mind is too full of bullshit life, and it consumes all my mind space. This blog is just another thing to suck the life out of me do.

But as I was sitting outside on Wednesday at midnight, on my cold front step in my pink fuzzy robe -completely naked underneath- I thought to myself "Holy shit, if this isn't blog material, I don't know what is!"

You see, some of my family was set to arrive the following day. That means, my house needs to be immaculate clean for their arrival. (Hi My Name Type A) That also means that I was running on my treadmill at 10:00pm, vacuuming and dusting and cleaning mirrors at 11:00pm, showering at 11:14pm, doing laundry at 11:30pm, organizing my bathroom at 11:45pm and "HOLY SHIT I SHOULD EMPTY THE GARBAGES SINCE ITS GARBAGE DAY TOMORROW!"

This is how I ended up on my front step at midnight. Vance was sleeping and Christian had a late hockey game. I locked myself out of the house taking the garbage to the curb. (Don't ask me how I did it, internets! Unless you want me to karate chop you in the neck.)

I didn't have my cell phone and I was half naked so I didn't want to knock on my neighbours doors to ask to use their phones. I didn't even have a chance to brush my hair before I exited the house!

I rang my door bell in hopes that I might wake my child a bit, and then I stood outside his open window and called out his name. Mother of the year award, right here please!

Nothing. I had no way to get in, so I grabbed a lawn chair cushion and covered my legs and hunkered down for a long wait on my front step. Of course, Christian was done playing hockey around the time I locked myself out. Perfect! Except for the part where he takes his sweet time showering and then sits aroundnaked in the boys room drinking beer after beer until he finally feels like coming home.

While I was sitting outside, I was trying to communicate with him through telepathy. I was sweet at first;

"Honey, I need you to come home and let me in the house please!"

"Sweets, tell your friends you need to go home now and leave the rink!"

Then it was more like this;

"You asshole, put the beer down and come home and open the effin door!"

"Maybe you should stay out all night, you're probably safer!"

By the time he arrived home, it was 1:30am. I had been outside for almost two hours. I aquired 23 new mosquito bites, I saw 12 bats, a falling star and only one car drove down my street the entire time. My tailbone was numb, my feet were cold and I almost peed on my own lawn.

And because I am a freak, I picked weeds.