Another post for the grandparents!

Vance learned how to ride his two wheeler about a week and a half ago! He is quite proud of himself. This video was from last night before dinner. You'll notice that he is more concerned with watching the video, after its done, than he is with the actual biking.

And here's another cheesy grin for ya,



After dinner, we went to the movie theatre and saw Earth. It was amazing to watch on the big screen. There were a few scenes that were a bit hard to watch (hunters vs their prey), Vance covered his eyes, but it's all part of nature right?

Potty Pictures

Yes, I took these pictures at work in the ladies room. So what?

I'm not sure if the maintenance staff is trying to "idiot proof" the whole bathroom experience, or what. They might just be confusing most of the non English speaking employees though (they make up about 40% of the manufacturing dept). I wonder if it was paper towel and tampons that caused this?

This is the newest addition to the washrooms, and they even attached a sign to it. Note to self~flush toilet seat cover.



~Do not flush paper towel though!



~Or tampons!



~Oh and don't forget to wash your hands.




I think we need a "No Shirt, No Service!" sign in there too. Yesterday I came out of a stall to find a half naked woman changing at the sinks. WTF? There were like 10 empty stalls in there.

Oh, and I tried to talk one of my male coworkers into taking pictures in the men's room, I've heard there are some pretty cool signs like;

-No gum in the urinals.
-No peeing on the urinal puck.

See, that's funny shit. But now he just thinks I'm a creepy pervert.

Whatevs.

What the hell should I blog about?

I got nothin, so I'll bore you with my day to day shit.

Um...Oooh, I know! I finally got that treadmill that I have been wishing for, for like two freakin years! I decided to suck it up and to Sears it up. Thank you, Sears, for equal payment plans. I love me some Sears.

So on Saturday we borrowed a truck to go pick up the beast. I was kinda proud of myself for helping Christian get it in the house. It weighs a shit ton, peeps.

After we dropped it on the living room floor, we took advantage of the truck and had a date at the city dump (ew, not that kind of date you dirties.). Nothin says lovin like tossing vacuums and windows in the trash, I tell ya.

Then........go away if you're bored.......Christian assembled the machine while I tossed most of his shit out clean up the bedroom, since that's where it has to be until we move. This only took us 4 hours. Good thing we didn't open the bottle of wine until after we finished, otherwise we may not have completed the job.

Anycrap, we had Happy Meals and wine and then headed out to the dirty bar (ya know, that one where we met) for a birthday party. We brought one of my BFFs along. Its way more fun making an ass of yourself socializing when you have a good friend along.

And because I am turning 30 in one month, I felt it appropriate to tell a young man that he should shove his underwear back into his pants so that people would stop confusing him for Eminem. He thanked me for my wise words and then pulled his pants down to his knees and proceeded to moon me.

If I wasn't so drunk on shooters, vodka, and guwertztraminer (That word is the only part of this whole post that makes me sound sophisticated), I totally would have taken a picture with my cell phone. But I would have probably sent a text that said "I love you" to some chick Christian works with by mistake.

We wouldn't want to do that shit, again.

More pictures, I know how you love them.

You might not remember the issues that I had last year with the safety committee guy and his desire to ruin my life keep me safe.

Catch up here, I'll wait.

(Hurry up, I hate waiting!)

Ok so it's nice out again, and that means that the fugly work shoes are put away and my flip flops are back!

Ta da!



But don't worry internets. Remember Mr. QA guy? He was over here in my department just a few minutes ago. So I busted out my cell phone camera and got my "in your face!"ammo for the next time someone tries to fuck with me keep my feet safe. Plus, he's wearing shorts! Shorts are not allowed either! Booya!

(omg, I can't believe I just said that.)



After my phone clicked as loud as it possibly could, I said something rude and gave him a dirty look to distract from the fact that I had just taken a picture like some creepy pervert.



It totally worked!

What do you think?

My sister, the Boston Marathon-er! Woot Woot!





"Training for a marathon is an act of faith. Actually running the marathon is an act of courage. With faith and courage, ordinary humans can accomplish great things!" Randy Essex

Boston Marathon and my 100th Post.

For those of you that are new, read this if you are confused.

My sister is nearing her 20K mark as I type this. I keep trying to find live coverage of the marathon but I'm at work, and some asshole IT guy removed all the fun stuff from my PC that enabled me to watch TV. What-ev-er!

Ps. She raised $6500 for Diabetes!

If you are interested in tracking her progress yourself, go here. Her bib number is 15767.

GO STACEY!

My two kids.

So, my kiddo was diagnosed with Asthma yesterday. We took him for allergy testing because we knew there were some issues. I wasn't expecting them to say Asthma, though.

Vance was so brave for his allergy test. The results show that he is allergic to cats, dogs, tree pollen and molds..which pretty much trigger Asthma. It was interesting to watch his arm after they poked all the allergens into his skin. Poor kid was so itchy that they had to give him some allergy meds pretty quickly after the test. That seemed to help, as well as the GI Joe set he picked out at Walmart for his bravery present, lol. He really doesn't seemed phased by the fact that he has asthma, he's too young to understand. So hopefully we can manage it well with controller medicines, and limited exposure to the allergens. The trees and mold will be a bit difficult, but the animal allergies we are working on.

The ex and I have had our dog for almost 10 years, her name is Mosley and she is a German Shepard/Collie mix. She is basically the best dog ever. We have decided to leave her to live at his place permanently so that only one of our places has any animal dander. This will limit his exposure big time. I cried when I thought about it yesterday, though. It breaks my freakin heart.


Even Christian became attached to Mosley. There won't be any other like her. I think we'll have to plan some dog park trips and special visits.



Ps. I don't beat the guy, that's a hockey injury in the above picture.

It's a new day, my friends!

Christian started his new job this week, and today was the first day he had to be up and ready to go by 6:30am. For those of you that know Christian, you know that he is an asshole in the morning not a morning person. I have to say I'm quite shocked impressed with him today. I only had to tell him once to get up, and then I lounged in bed while he got himself ready (It was a Vance-less morning). So different! Usually I wake him before I leave.....or he sleeps til noon (like the last 4 weeks)! I didn't get out of bed until after 7 this morning. It was delightful.

Right after he was let go, he sent me a text message to let me know that he was packing up his stuff. I was driving home from work. I tried calling him immediately, but he sent me a message back saying he couldn't talk at the moment but that I should stop freaking out. Apparently he knows me well.

He came in the back door that night, and we both kind of nervously grinned at each other. The first words out of his mouth were "Are you ok?". He asked me if I was ok, and he was the one that was let go. Man, I love him. He also told me we'd be just fine and not to worry.

The night of the big layoff, we went to a beer night. While there, one of Christian's friends asked me "So, how does it feel to be the bread winner now?" (Insert friend's heinous laughter here.) That scared the crap out of me. Breadwinner? Me? Uh..I win enough bread to pay my mortgage and take care of my kiddo and myself, not two adults. I panicked and imagined living off of Kraft dinner and sharing bath water.

(KIDDING, that's freakin gross! But, still, I worried.)

Within two weeks of the layoff, Christian had landed himself an interview AND they hired him on the spot. That was a really good day, internets.

I'm pretty proud of my man today.

Longest blog post about nothing, ever!

We had a full weekend, internets! Thursday night gave us a good start to my our 3 day weekend. We went and had drinks with friends and then had a get together over at our place to play Loaded Questions-Adult Edition. The original is pretty fun, but this is even funnier. I would give you some examples, but I might scare some of the parental units that read this blog. It's amazing how much you learn about the creepy perverts people that you call your friends

Friday morning I had to drag Christian out of bed by his teeth we had to get up early and drive to Moose Jaw. Christian decided about 30 mins into the drive that he HAD to stop and find a men's room. So we drive into some small ass podunk town to find that the gas station isn't even open. It's Good Friday, duh. So we headed to the next town which was about 20Km away. It took 3.4 mins. Not sure what the rush was..jeez.

Once in Moose Jaw we stopped for lunch at a small little hometown cafe called Carol's. Carol is about 96 years old. We stood at the front of the restaurant waiting for them to finally clear a table for us. There was a table at the back that seemed to be a good size for us, and the guy had just left, so we head over there to sit down since we had two 5 year olds that were in desperate need of fuel. This is the conversation we hear.

Carol- I think he just went outside for a smoke, actually.
Employee #2- Who was he?
Carol- Oh, you know, that deaf guy.
Employee#2-Oh. Well, he can sit somewhere else.

Moose Jaw, ladies and gentlemen.

The rest of the trip consisted of rushing around from one set of Grandparents, to the other. We went out for dinner with my Mom's parents for their 61rst wedding anniversary, and spent some time with them in their new retirement castle. Christian and I brought our air mattress with us so we could sleep in their empty house, since the retirement castle doesn't have enough room for all of us. Vance and Mom shared the bed, the only piece of furniture left in the whole house. We ended up back at the empty house at about 8:30pm, and luckily I had thought to bring my portable DVD player so we had some form of entertainment after the kid went to bed. Picture three adults all huddled on the floor watching a 6x4 inch screen.

We woke up in some weird and painfully, contorted, positions because our air mattress had a slow leak. (At least I didn't have to drag Christian out of bed, he was already on the floor, haha!)

Christian and the kids spent a couple hours at my Grandma Mort's place while the ladies did some Main Street shopping. Stacey saw a store that morning on her run, and thought it looked interesting and that we should go there because Mom loves blown glass. So that was our first stop. It was called Watch Tower Glass, and it was on High Street. We get there, and the windows are painted over with some kind of colorful cartoon-y looking Moose and it says "Functional Blown Glass Art". There is a sign that says you have to be 18 to enter. I had a funny feeling we were going to walk into a store full of glass sex toys. I was partially right, the store is full of glass pipes, water bongs, and even a few glass knobs. So since we were the only ones in the store and we were not inconspicuous in the slightest, we had to politely look around a bit while we giggled as quietly as possible. Once back outside, we realize that the cartoon-y looking moose had smoke coming out of his mouth. Ahh, High Street, all right.

We returned on Saturday in time to spend the evening with Christan's parents and some Aunts and Uncles. We sat around and watched one million some slides of them when they were kids.

Oh shit. Some of them are probably going to read that. Uhh.. Maybe this will make them comment finally. No?

(Ok, it wasn't exactly one million slides, and I actually had a lot of fun!)

(No, I'm serious!)

(You can tell, can't you?)

Last night, after dinner.....

....Christian finishes a conversation on the phone and then joins me in the kitchen.

Him: Honey, I have a chance to play hockey again tonight at 9.

Me: Oh good! That means you have a chance to practice not pissing me off by actually coming home before 5am this time.

Him: Exactly.

A story, in pictures.

Silly me, internets. Silly, silly me.

I had all these grandiose images in my mind when Christian said I'd have me some "House Husband". (And by the way, those were his words, not mine.)

Images kinda like these ones,





or even this one...



Instead, I mostly got these..





Thank God Christian goes back to work next week! so that we don't have to get a fake divorce.

I think it's about time you delurk, no?

I have Google Analytics. I know you're out there, and there are many of you!

WOOHOO!

Why won't you comment? Dad, I know you're reading this. Don't you like me?

Of course you do.

Keywords that brought you to my blog include;

mice poo
kiss my ripped denim ass
maytag dryer
dead mice in my hockey equipment (Christian, was that you?)
kate puck and smells (This one is very weird, say it really fast though!)
linsey hockey puck
moisturized town
mormon pregnant
polygamist kids shopping
puck bunny drink
smelly pizza face
she's a cougar (Screw you, I am not!)
stand up comedy mormons speak chinese
what is the religious day called lint (Ha! lint.)
what do you call a male puck bunny (Gay.)

Huh. Maybe I need some new material? Lots of pucks and mormons.

So, because some people are illiterate only like stories with pictures, I will give you this.

The exact moment that I said to Christian "The world should be moisturized."