I've got nothin today.

She was fierce!

I went to see Beyonce on Friday night. My Mom was given some free tickets and so she took me and my sister and a friend of mine. (Thanks Ma!) I was slightly embarrassed to tell anyone that I was going to go to that concert. Partly because she sings songs that include words like "Bootylicious" and "Freakum Dress" and some shit about not being ready for this jelly? What?

But it was the most amazing concert that I have ever been to. I have a whole new appreciation for Mz. Beyonce. Wow. She has an amazing strong voice, and she can dance and sing at the same time. Never a bored moment that night. Plus, her whole band is made up of women (Girl Power!). The only men that were in her show were dancing. They had nekkid washboard abs, and wore hoods that shadowed their faces (Let's be honest, who's lookin at their faces anyways?)

The second most entertaining part of the evening was the people watching. I cannot belieeeeve the outfits that we saw at the concert. Not the outfits on stage, internets, the outfits on young girls. (AND girls my age and older, for that matter. ) What are we thinking ladies? I mean, I can't even go to a concert in flip flops and not fall on my ass. (haha, remember that shit Stacey?) Plus, it's not even really spring yet. And these girls are wearing 7 inch stilettos along with dresses that hardly cover their front door, never mind the back! Beyonce was more covered up than a lot of the girls at her concert.

Um, I think this post may have just aged me a smidge.

Tell me something

Do you think I have pink eye?

(I saw Knocked Up. No jokes allowed!)

My boss gets all freaked out if he thinks any of us have eye infections and makes us leave for the day. He's terrified of getting it himself.

I might have to wear sunglasses for the rest of the day! Afterall, I am the breadwinner now.

I'm joking!

(Not really.)

Happy Valentine's Day!

Ya, I know, it's not actually Valentine's Day.

It is for me, though.

See what I got....



Wanna know why?

(Of course you do! This blog is nothing if it's not full of sarcastic, funny stories about the love that Christian and I share.)

Ok then, I'll tell you the story about the poor, misguided boyfriend. It's ok though internets, you don't need to feel bad for him. He's learning.

(The hard way.)

So the night before Valentine's Day (a Friday night), Christian went out for "a beer" with his friend. And, by the way, that statement is at the end of its rope for me. As if, a beer? Seriously. Let's just be honest here. He should probably just say, "I'm going out for 12-15 beers, and then I'm going to come home slobbering drunk. I'll probably wake you up, fart a whole bunch and then snore really loud. Oh, and I might breathe my hot, beer breath on your face too."

Anyways, I digress.

So let's just say that Christian came home when most people are getting out of bed for work. I had put out his little V-Day gift before I went to bed. (A one hour massage and a card.) That morning Vance and I left the house for hockey and whatever else we had to do that day. When I came home, really mad, at 4pm he was camped out on the couch. His gift was still sitting there untouched. I barked told him to open his stupid gift before we left the house at 6pm. We were going out for dinner and a movie with my sister and her date. Which I had planned for us. Christian couldn't even partake in a glass of wine with dinner, because he was still hungover from that "one beer" he drank the night before.

Anyways, after I yelled at him we talked it out, he said to me "You'll get your Valentine's Day, yet."




Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

( Shut up. I love him.)

Tim Horton is a liar.

He says all I have to do is roll up my rim to win.

Every day I think to myself "This will be my day, I'm gonna win a Toyota Venza!"

Instead, I get this bullshit message. "PLEASE PLAY AGAIN"



Not even a free coffee. I have consumed 64 coffees in 10 days . My vision is blurred, my heart races, and I haven't slept for 6 days.

Of course I'll fucking play again.

Our Vacation

Screw you Sorry if you think this post is random, but this is all I've got on a Monday.

(There's pictures!)

We arrived late afternoon. We were so happy to be there! We drank beers on our patio, unpacked our suitcases and headed to the ocean! It was so windy and dark that first day, it even rained a little bit. We couldn't have cared less though, because we weren't freezing our asses off. Finally!

After dipping our toes in the ocean, we headed for dinner, which led to nap time (the first of many). We both assumed we'd have a little snooze and then we'd be good to go. We woke up hours later, and it was almost 1 am. So started our vacation tradition. We napped every day. That way we would be ready to socialize and drink all inclusive booze until wee hours of the morning.

Most of our days consisted of me getting up and trying to claim a couple of chairs. (For any of you that have not been at an all inclusive, you basically have to get up early and mark your territory with towels, books, and sunscreen. Every one does it, and if you don't you probably won't have a chair for the day.) Which brings me to the story of the couple from assholeville Spain that stole our chairs and our towels one morning. We get to the pool to find them making out and groping each other all over our towels. They obviously don't know "chair etiquette". PFT. Like I want my towel back after someone rubbed their bum all over it.

(So, instead, I had to bully the front reception staff into giving me two more towel cards.)

On our third night, we made sure to have a good nap to prepare our "thirty something" bodies for a night of drinking and making friends. We got to the outdoor bar and immediately joined in a game of American vs Canadian Tip Cup. (Shut up, we weren't the oldest people to partake in the game.)

Tip Cup led to more drinking and meeting more people. We ended up with a girl from Calgary and a guy from Hamilton. I don't remember their names. The girl was kinda trashy, though, and the guy was just trying to get some of that trashiness. If you catch what I mean. Anycrap, Trailer Park Barbie wanted to go to the disco. Everybody seemed to end up the disco, which was two resorts over, so we decided to check it out. Well, we kinda got lost on the way, and then Christian had to take a detour to hurl in the bushes. He told us to keep going and he'd catch up. ( As if I am going to leave my boyfriend alone in the bushes and follow some strangers.) So I tell them to go, and I stand with him while he heaves.

Him: Honey, you came back for me! I can't believe you came back for me. Aww..you came back to hold my hair.

Once pukey Christian is good to go, we continue our extra long trek and finally find the disco. It's filled with locals and hookers. Great. The Dominican guys would be all over me and Trailer Park Barbie anytime it looked as if we were alone. The place was super sketchy, so we left, after I talked TPB into leaving. She was actually enjoying all the dudes trying to rub up against her.

The rest of the trip we drank at the pool bar during the day, played in the ocean, and stayed away from the disco at night. It was an amazing trip.





We went parasailing on our last day. I'm glad I did it, and I didn't cry even, but I have no desire to ever do it again. Christian and I went together, they made me sit in front. I think I would have been more scared up there alone.



At least, if I was going to crash onto the beach, I had the love of my life to share it with!

Adventures in Flying

We flew home from the Dominican on Friday the 13th (I know!). I was really excited because Christian and I actually had seats next to each other.

On the way to the Dominican we weren't at the airport early enough to get side by side seats. The best the agent could do was two aisle seats, one in front of the other. Christian was in front of me, and I'll be honest, I used that to my advantage. Had it been some stranger in front of me I would not have put my feet on the seat, or my knees especially. I think I pissed him off though, because at one point he flung his body like a freaking 3 year old so hard on the seat that he almost shattered my overly sensitive feelings knee cap.

You know what though? Karma is a bitch, internets, and I'll tell you why. After we arrived in the Dominican, I made jokes about a very obese woman from our flight who would hit people in the face with her ass every time she would leave her seat to use the washroom. Christian slept through most of that flight so he didn't even notice all the ass to head butting that had gone down. (And before you get all pissy because I made fun of an obese person, shut it. Until you get slapped in the face by a stranger's ass meat, don't talk to me.) Anycrap, we get on the flight to head back to hell home and Christian gives me the window seat, and he takes the middle one. Just as we are getting all comfy, guess who sits next to Christian? Yup, head-butt-her. THEN, the row ahead of us gets filled up with a mother, two little boys, and an eighteen month-ish baby girl cries for the next hour while my ears bleed. What a way to end a week of bliss.

Anyways, we're home now. We're both pretty tanned for a couple of pasty kids, and there were no sun burns to speak of.

We received some bad news yesterday and we're both still processing it. (No one died though so don't send flowers, unless you really want to.) I like pink roses.

My next post will most likely be about fun vacation topics, like rum (which may or may not include barfing), parasailing, snorkeling, and meeting some pretty dumb interesting people.

I bet you can't wait!

Hi Internets! I`m having a lovely vacation and I never want to leave!

We are going to have to go shopping today because somehow Christian only managed to pack two shirts. He was too busy making fun of all the shit I was bringing.

And let me tell you, I brought half of what I normally bring. I made a decision to pack lightly and I did a great job, thank you very much!

Anycrap, Christian is wearing the same shit in all of our pictures because he only packed two t-shirts.

Now he only has one left, because last night he spilled rum and coke all over it.

Him- Blah, blah, blah. I could fit all my stuff in a carry on. I want to see all the stuff that you didn´t wear at the end of this vacation!

Me- Nice coke stain, hot stuff.

One More Sleep!

We leave tomorrow morning!

I have that anxious, excitement feeling in my belly. Can't wait!

See you in a week babies!

Girly Day

After Vance's hockey on Saturday, Quinn and I had a special "Auntie and Me" afternoon. Just the two of us.

We went to Walmart first. I was in heaven. There was no "I don't want to be here!" or "Buy me this!" or any "Can we go now?". Quinn and I floated through the clothing sections and pointed out our favorite colors, and told each other which shirts we liked the best. We came across a sale rack with a size small pink tank top, covered in sequins. It was four bucks. Quinn was enamored with it, so Auntie bought it. Along with a Little Mermaid book that she was quite impressed with. She was so good in Walmart that I wanted to just keep buying her stuff. HAHA! Anyways, the tank top is actually a women's size small so I altered it with my awesome shitty sewing skillz when we got home. I'm sure my sister got a good laugh out of it anyways.

After Walmart, we headed to the spa close to my house. Quinn had her first manicure while Auntie had her toe nails painted. It was really sweet. She didn't say much, but she smiled the whole time.

On another noted, the lady that did my nails is middle eastern, so her english is a bit choppy. She was my "special" waxing lady last year, ya know, special..if you catch my drift. I stopped waxing in the summer because she's expensive, and I'm trying to be less "high maintenance". (What? Shut up, waxing hurts!) I was a bit uncomfortable when we walked in and I realized that she was going to be doing my pedicure. I had hoped that she wouldn't remember me, but of course she totally did.

Her: How come you not come for wax anymore?

Me: Well, I don't wax anymore.

Her: Why not? You shave now?

Me: Uhhh..well..uhh..no..I guess I'm just lazy now.

Her: You come back and see me, don't be lazy.