This is it.

I went to see the Michael Jackson movie "This is It" in the theatre with my Mom and sister yesterday afternoon.

I enjoyed the film.

What I did not enjoy was the frumpy, 40's something woman that felt she needed to punch me repeatedly in my shoulder with her Coke bottle. This is for real, internets. She wasn't even directly behind me, she was a few over to the left of me. I was texting Christian, and trying to hide my screen not to distract anyone. (Although, PLEASE! My phone wasn't ringing. I wasn't talking out loud to my neighbour. I wasn't the annoying one with really loud candy wrappers. I was responding to a text.) So all of a sudden I'm being beaten in the shoulder and I turn to my sister thinking it was her. She had this horrified look on her face, and I'm pretty sure I said "What the F#$k?" We both turn our heads to Miss Punches People At Theatres and she says to me "CAN YOU TURN THAT THING OFF!"

My response?

"Pft! No."

Maybe if you had asked me nicely and didn't just assult me with your H1N1 infected Coke bottle, I may have considered it.

She's just lucky that I was so shocked by her obnoxious behavior. Otherwise there might have been an old time throw down reminiscent of the WWF days. Before, WWE was even invented. Yo.







Pft.

Getting old is the shitz.

This past weekend my sister and I drove to Moose Jaw (good ole Saskatchewan town!) to help out with a few things and visit our Grandma in the senior rehabilitation centre. The same one that my other Grandma spent a month in when she fell in 2008.

She had a bad fall in her apartment, mid September. And it's pretty shitty because up until this point she had been on her own for years. She still drove and got her own groceries (albeit, with some difficulty I'm sure).

Grandma needs a pretty high level of care now, so she is being moved to a care home. This means that all of her stuff needed to be dealt with in her suite. That's one of the big reasons for our trip, besides spending as much time with Grandma as possible and taking her for smoke breaks. (Oh yes, she still smokes!) She used to put cigarette packages in our Christmas stockings! Just kidding. Not really.


This is my Dad's Mom. She is a pretty cool lady.

My Dad has one brother that has two sons. My Mom is an only child. That makes those two boys our only cousins. (I know! Crazy small family.) That said, we were pretty pumped to spend time with them, even if it was to pack up Grandma's home. We never see them together when we visit. It's usually one or the other.


We had some major fun with them, in light of everything going on with Grandma.

Do you think we look alike?

If I had a twitter account, I'd totally tweet this!

H1N1 (aka swine flu)

My place of employment has eleventy million staff, therefore the government is releasing the vaccine to us early. That said, they are offering the shot to all the staff and our spouses and children. At work.

That would be lovely, if I wasn't so confused about what the heck to do?! No one is in the middle.

It's all, "OMG, we're all gonna die from this horrible flu if we don't get the vaccine!"

OR

"OMG, we're all going to die from getting this horrible vaccine because it's full of autism/paralyzing/extra head growing poisons!"

Either way, I'm dead.

What the hell am I supposed to do?

No, seriously. Tell me, please!

That one time when I was more drunk than Christian......

I know, you probably can hardly believe it right? I can't.

I'm seriously doubting that the problem was just too much booze. I actually have considered that I may have been drugged (shut up if you dont believe me!) Who's watchin your drink, smart ass? Not me! I don't even watch my own.

AnystupidjerkthatGHB'dmydrink, C and I were in Calgary for the weekend. We were so lucky to be house guests at Kate and Mike's new house! They had a 70's housewarming party that was in full swing when we arrived on Friday night. Check out the pictures (don't judge my lame costume, I'm a busy girl!)

Saturday morning was enjoyed while getting myself super lost on the way to the mall, followed by serious shopping and catching up with my bff Wynter. Christian was at the Stamps vs Riders game with his bff. (I totally said bff, even though it kinda makes me barf in my mouth a little bit. Ha, funny I should mention barf.)

After driving all over Calgary and realizing that my boyfriend is too drunk to be concerned about me or our plans for the evening Wynter and I went our separate ways to freshen up for a night out. We met at the community hockey rink where Christian was playing with his old team. I enjoyed 3 beverages and two disgusting shots in about two hours. We then left the rink and went to some lounge type, live band, rocker bar. At this bar, I had one drink, and I remember 2 more shots. (Don't be so judgy! I'm not denying that I could have had more than two!). I did leave my drink unattended..probably more than once. I recall asking the guys at the table if that was my drink and then drinking from it again. That's about all I remember, except for the part 2 hours later when I was on my hands and knees on Kate's lawn (so sorry guys!) and Christian was sweetly telling me to "Just get it alllll out."

The next evening, Christian told me that I threw up three different times before arriving in bed. When I woke up at 9am, I threw up every 20 mins, including in my car on the way to brunch with his family. As soon as we arrived at his parents house, I spent all my time in their bathroom barfing. Class-E. I was finally able to get in the car at 4 to start the 7 hour drive home.

Worst. Day. Of. My.Life

Give me child birth. That was easier.

Striptastic!

So Miss Yvonne over at Yo Mama's Blog gave me this.


It's the "I Should Been a Stripper" award.

That was sweet of her, but I totally shouldn't be a stripper. Miss Yvonne has never been to my town, I'm guessing. I mean, she's all warm in Texas, and I'm all frozen in Canada. Miss Y, it was -6C today (no, I don't know what -6C works out to be in F..0 degrees celcius is freezing point here, you do the math!). It's supposed to snow later. Today I am wearing 3 pairs of pants, and 6 shirts, with a bunnyhug and a winter jacket. It would take me like 3 hours to strip all this shit off, and then there would still be the long underwear, and I'm not sure I'd make any tips in that get up. I do like a nice G-string though.

Anystrippersaredirtywhores, along with this award, I'm supposed to list 7 of my personality traits for you and then tag 7 more bloggers. That last part might be hard because I only have 10 followers unlike Miss Yvonne who has so many because she pays them..

1. I have severe anal tendencies. (oo, dirty!) I am very particular about how every aspect of my house/office/car/moisturized world should be. (I hate hoarders. OMG, did you see the preview for Oprah today?? Sick.)
2. I'm organized. I'm great at organizing my life and my loved one's lives. (You're welcome Christian. Don't forget your dentist apt next week!)
3. I am an amazing multi-tasker. For instance, I'm blogging and doing my kegels at the same time! Amazing, I know!
4. I'm hilarious. I stole this one from Miss Yvonne, but it's true.
5. I'm modest. Baaahahahahaha..See number 4.
6. I sucked at math, but I'm good at money management.
7. I'm jealous of skinny bitches, and small feet.


I have decided that because I don't have 7 people to tag, I'm not going to tag anyone. Why bother if it can't be done right, right? (Please see #1)

Thank you.

Seriously?

I'm sorry, but did I get hit with the stupid stick recently?

All the monies have gone through for the sale of my house and the purchase of our new house! Woot! That just means that everyone we owe money to has been paid back, and I don't have to offer up Christian's knees as payment anymore. Phewf!

So after all is said and done, I had a few extra dollars to spend on either one new couch for our living room, or try and find some barely used furniture.

I have been trolling the classifieds, and the new furniture websites for a while now. Yesterday I found a couch and chair (used) and the girl was asking 500 bucks! Same set brand new for 1200. Needless to say I was super excited. I packed up my boy (the small one, not the big one) and we headed over to look at the used couch and chair. I had my keys in one hand and my cell phone in the other and my child behind my back when I rang the door bell. Ya know, just in case it was all a ruse to get strangers to come to your house so you can rob them or murder them or make them watch baseball. What? Maybe I've read too many of those emails about how to save yourself in a dire situation..like, how to catch bullets with your teeth, and shit, but at least I'm cautious! Anywho, back to the couch story. The peeps take Vance and I to the garage to look at it. The girl, who's name is also Lindsey (it was meant to be!) tells me she is moving in with her boyfriend and that is why she's selling the furniture. I love them. Vance thinks they are awesome. I offer her 450 bucks and her friend offers to load them in his truck and follow me home. SCORE!

Ok, maybe not so much. We get them home, and unload them onto the driveway just as Christian pulls up. That's when the dude says "You'll need a 36 inch doorway to get those suckers in your house! Good luck." and then he speeds away.

Holy shit balls. Who's the retard that buys giant couches with out even thinking about it? ME! Our door is like 32 inches. Uh huh. So Christian and I decide we're super heroes and take the front end of our house off and squeeze the mother fucking giant ass (totally awesome microfiber caramel colored beautifullness) couch and chair into our house. We may have ripped it in one or two spots..but nothing a needle and thread can't fix. Impressive, I know.

In other news, before we went to pick up the couches we stopped at my sisters house where I snagged my pants (right in the ass) on a tiny nail sticking out of her door trim. I may have cried a little bit. Then the kid points it out while the couch seller is following me to my car. Sweet boy.

Vance- Mom, your butt hole isn't that big, I can hardly even see it.

Uh...

I do stupid shit.

Christian bought a house about 6 months after we started seeing each other. When we met, he was living with his Aunt as he had just moved here from a different province.

Anycrap, his house is now the "revenue house". Now that we have moved into our new place, we had room to move some of his crap..cough..packrat!.. out of the revenue house.

We had also been storing a large hide-a-bed of mine there. It weighs 8 billionty pounds, but we (and by "we" I mean Christian and his friend) managed. We got it home, and I immediately vacuumed the crap out of it. Then I grabbed the Febreze bottle and started Febrezing the crap out of it. But wait! Why does the Febreze smell like bleach? Febreze smells like happy days in fields of mother fucking flowers, non? OMG! The bottle is full of half bleach and half water! (Insert nervous breakdown here)

See. I do stupid shit.

What happened to that couch, you ask?

Absolutely nothing! The fabric wasn't affected at all, and it no longer smells like tenant ass because it smells like toxic bleach instead!

Thank Gawd.